On 17th October 2024, we explored the power of connection by hosting  ‘eye gazing’ events in towns and cities around the world.

What is eye gazing?

The eyes are often described as windows to the soul. Eye gazing goes beyond eye contact by looking into someone’s eyes for an extended period of time.

The purpose is to connect with your own energy on a deeper level and, from that space, connect your energies with someone else in complete silence. The activity reduces the boundaries between self and other, creating a feeling of ‘oneness’ and connection.

Why now?

Over the past decade, we have become used to having our senses stimulated all the time, with the average person now checking their smartphone 200 times a day. According to some reports, the average global internet user spends 6 hours and 35 minutes online daily and 71% of people spend more time on their phone than with their romantic partner. Based on these statistics and a life expectancy of 76, an average person will spend 12-years staring at their phone screens over their lifespan.

In the digital age, we need to make a conscious effort to cultivate real human connections over those through screens. Our minds, bodies and souls need that to stay happy, healthy and productive.

Taking time for silence helps to regulate the nervous system, recharge our energy, and conditions the mind to be more adaptive and responsive to the complex environments in which so many of us now live, work and lead. Duke Medical School’s Imke Kirste recently found that silence is associated with the development of new cells in the hippocampus, the key brain region associated with learning and memory. It is in the space of seemingly doing ‘nothing’ that we can discover something about ourselves.

How to do it?

There are many ways to eye gaze. It can be done alone, connecting with your inner self by looking deeply at your eyes in the mirror.

When eye gazing with another person, it is worth bearing in mind that some individuals and cultures have a lower threshold for holding a gaze than others. You might start off with 1 minute, though 3-4 minutes typically allows enough time to go beyond the initial awkwardness and ‘arrive’ in togetherness. As you become more comfortable with the practice, you can even remove the time element, trusting that you will know when it is enough.

The idea is to sit in a comfortable position, facing your partner so that you can exchange a gentle, soft-focus gaze without speaking. Allow yourself to blink, settle your breathing and try not to look away. As with meditation, if you get distracted, just bring your attention back to the moment. Feel into any emotions that arise, recognising your shared humanity.

What’s it like?

Over 20 years ago, a psychologist, Arthur Aron, ran an eye gazing experiment in silence for up to four minutes. In one of the most widely read articles of the New York Times in 2015, the journalist Mandy Len Catron, who tried out Aron’s theory and practice, wrote:

“I’ve skied steep slopes and hung from a rock face by a short length of rope, but staring into someone’s eyes for four silent minutes was one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life. I spent the first couple of minutes just trying to breathe properly. There was a lot of nervous smiling until, eventually, we settled in. I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realisation and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.”

We think silence between people means nothing is happening, when in fact something profound is happening: presence and connection; both much needed in the world right now.

After the global eye gazing event, one of our hosts Aysha Mohammed in Riyadh said:

“It reminded us how often we rely on words only to communicate when, in reality, our eyes, vibe and presence can express everything in its purest simplicity. We witnessed people let go of barriers, soften their gaze, open their hearts, and become comfortable with vulnerability. In those moments, we didn't need to explain ourselves, impress anyone, or be impressed. We just were. And that was enough.”

See what happens

How much of ourselves - our essence and emotions - can we express just through presence and connection? And how much can we learn of others through theirs? 

There is no need to wait for a dedicated day to eye gaze – it can be done with anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Why not try something out of your comfort zone? There is no right or wrong way to do this. Trust your instincts and, with no expectations, see what comes up for you.

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