Loneliness is a leadership burden that rarely gets discussed. It’s shocking that we don’t talk about it more, considering it’s incredibly common. When leaders feel lonely and disconnected, they start to doubt themselves and struggle to make decisions. It impacts their motivation, performance, and wellbeing, as well as that of their teams. All of this comes at a personal and business cost. Unfortunately, it's often left to leaders to deal with it on their own, which is something we need to change.

In a 2016 interview, Apple CEO Tim Cook candidly discussed the challenges of leading one of the world's largest and most iconic companies. "It's sort of a lonely job," he said. Research backs this up. In a survey by CTO Craft, 97% of respondents reported feeling lonely in their leadership roles. It also showed that loneliness isn’t just a passing phase. Isolation continues to impact them in multiple ways, including:

- Motivation and engagement (86.5%)

- Confidence in dealing with stakeholders (44.8%)

- Ability to lead teams (34.4%)

- Productivity (32.3%)

Where does the loneliness come from?

One reason is that when you are in a less senior role, you are largely shielded from internal politics and external pressures. As you move up the ranks, you start to see behind the curtain and become exposed to strategic risks. This inevitably causes pressure. 

What’s more, your support system starts to fall away. You don’t have the same team camaraderie. And where your boss shielded you, you are now that boss. At board level, your peers become your competitors as you fight for resources and budget. In short, you have much more to deal with and fewer people that you can rely on, confide in, or brainstorm with.

It’s worth noting that for global professionals, the loneliness of expat leadership gets compounded. Living overseas poses unique challenges, including cultural adjustments, frequent travel, family pressures, lifestyle changes, and staying connected with loved ones all contribute to isolation. Plus, the person you report to may be based in another country, and your time with them is limited. In this scenario, every interaction with them starts to feel very high stakes.

Ways to combat the loneliness

The first step is to pay attention to your energy. The Energy Leadership™ model is a framework used in coaching and leadership development to help individuals and teams increase their awareness, emotional intelligence, and performance. It is based on the idea that we all operate from different levels of energy that determine how we respond to challenges, engage with others, and lead. A certified leadership coach can assess how you present yourself and help shift your energetic state.

The second step in combatting loneliness is connection. Consider creating an informal PAD (Personal Advisory Board) - a group of mentors and coaches focused on supporting you through work challenges. Because these individuals are not personally invested in your decisions, they maintain a neutral perspective, making them more willing to challenge your thinking.

You can also create an informal CEO peer group. You’ll be amazed how many other leaders feel exactly as you do. Regular catch-ups ensure you feel connected and part of something bigger with people who relate.

Tips to build your PAD and CEO Peer Group:

1.: Identify trusted friends, mentors, and coaches. They'll be there with advice and encouragement when you're making decisions, seeking feedback, or exploring new paths. 

2.: Get a mix of people to provide a well-rounded view of your life and work. They will spot things you might miss, challenge your assumptions, and spark your creativity.

3.: Connect with them and explain your goals (ensure it’s a win-win relationship). Ask them to meet informally or in the case of coaches, professionally. 

Remember, you’re not alone, even when it feels that way. We should encourage leaders to be open about their experiences with loneliness and build a community that uplifts them. As a leader, you deserve that support, and your teams deserve a leader who feels aligned, empowered, and able to perform at their best.

Deema Ghata-Aura, an Executive Coach, IPEC certified Energy Leadership™️ Practitioner, and Founder of Criterion Coaching